Modesty? Pshaw!

Before I go any further, I want to tell you a little bit about my journey, so that you understand where I’m coming from.  Since this topic is such a hot-button issue, I want you to know that I come to it from an angle of love and understanding and not critical judgment.  Not that many years ago, I would have laughed in your face if you started to talk to me about modesty and then I would have promptly ignored you.

And now I’m writing a whole series on it, so let me tell you my tale…

As any young child, I cared about what I wore.  No, I was never the most fashionable, but you know how it is in school (or even church) that if you wear something, it’s always possible you will be mocked for it.

I would have to say it was around junior high school (7^th-8^th grade) that I really became aware of what I was wearing would have an effect on the opposite sex.  Slowly, that was when the immodest dress started.  It progressed into high school.  My poison of choice was the low-cut tank top that was also short at the waist.  (Goodness, the photos I wish I could burn…)

And at that age, I don’t really think you truly understand exactly what you are broadcasting.  I don’t remember much talk about modesty at that age, then again I could have just tuned it out.  I enjoyed the attention.  I didn’t have the greatest views about how I looked.  Actually I thought I was fat and ugly.  The attention that I got affirmed that at least part of me wasn’t so bad.

I won’t even begin to tell you all the stupid stuff I did in high school to draw attention to my body.  Quite honestly, it’s just embarrassing now.  But I got the attention that I desired.

This continued into college.  I was now able to buy my own clothes, and they followed the world.  Poor Mark didn’t even have a chance.  Now I had a boyfriend who consistently told me how good I looked, and I wanted to keep looking good.  I dressed to “impress.”

I craved that attention.  That’s how I affirmed to myself that I was worth something.  That someone else would find me attractive.  Love me.  I also bought into the whole “dressing like this makes you powerful, power to women!  Dressing sexy gives you inner confidence” garbage.  Ever wonder what “power” they’re talking about?

I look back at that poor girl.  I know what happened to take her to that place in life.  And all I feel is sadness and embarrassment.  I know exactly the arguments that she would have.  You know those statements from my last post saying it was ok?  I would have been one of those shouting the loudest.  I needed whatever it was that dressing sexy gave me.

If I can communicate one thing through this post, it would be that I get it.  I understand the thoughts of “legalistic, judgmental Christians” or “nothing in the Bible says I have to follow your specific rules!”  And I would have to say, many times, those thoughts are right on the money.

At the risk of sounding like a broken record, we need to focus on what’s behind all those arguments.  What is behind all those thoughts of dressing provocatively?  And then we need to remember that we will all apply them in different ways.  God will convict us all at different times, in different ways.  Yes, there are some rules outlined in the Bible that we must follow, and I will talk about those, but there are no specific rules of “you wear dresses down to ankles with…”

And most of all, we need to remember grace.  We need to remember that we are all in different areas of our walk with God.  We need to remember that not all of us have enough money to go out and buy a new wardrobe right away and that they may be doing the best that they can.  And if we feel compelled by the Holy Spirit to talk to someone about how they dress, then we need to do it privately with kindness and understanding.  We need to remember that we want to mold their heart to what God wants.  And we have to remember that this is ultimately a deep-held heart issue and not a clothes issue.

So if you feel that I have the credibility to talk about modesty and you understand that I am coming from an ultimate place of wanting to encourage and affirm the wonderfulness that God has created in all of us, then please join me next week as we dive into the specifics of what modesty is and how we can apply it to our lives.

through His grace alone!  (can I get an “Amen!” to that?)

Sarah